Lessons from a Christmas Party

If you had me on some sort of pedestal, stop reading right now. If you want to hear a funny/sad story about how I ALWAYS learn my lessons the hard way, read on. I don't mind being transparent. I, in fact, detest when people pretend to be someone they are not, or when folks pretend everything's alright, when it isn't. It makes me feel like I'm the only one who struggles with life, kids, spirituality....I wanna be real. Take it or leave it. After this story, you may want to leave it, but, here goes: First, let me begin by saying, I am not a drinking woman. In the last few years, since our boys have hit their teen years, I have considered it heavily and often, but I have resisted the urge. I know many of my Christian friends would disagree with my opinion that drinking in moderation (a glass of wine with dinner...) is ok. That's alright. I also eat lots of pork. Pick up your stones if you must. With that explanation out of the way, let me also say that until a couple of months ago, it had been 20 years since my last sip of anything containing alcohol. I think it will be at least that long again. Now, for the rest of the story.----------Top Ten Lessons from a Christmas Party------------- 1. A size 8P is not the same as size 8. That dress must go back. 2. When you take back the cute little black dress, don't buy sleeveless. Why do they sell little black dresses with no sleeves in December? You are going to freeze. 3. Don't waste your time buying the expensive pantyhose. You're going to rip them getting out of the car anyway. 4. If you insist on buying the pantyhose anyway, go ahead and buy the next size up if you're right there on the border of the whole size/weight grid. 5. If you are not accustomed to drinking, one glass of wine will probably do just fine. Especially when it is the size of a fish bowl! 6. But if the wine is really good, and you decide to have a second glass, it's a good idea to stop after you can't feel your lips anymore. 7. It might be a good idea to get up and move around between glasses of wine, just to be sure you still can. 8. If you went ahead and bought the $15. pantyhose in the smaller size anyway, it's ok. They take up less room in the bathroom trash can after you ram your whole hand through them trying to get them back up while the stall is spinning in circles. 9. The roads downtown are very curvy, and my husband is a horrible driver. 10. Your gym bag does not make a good emesis basin.