This is gonna be a long one. It's been a rollercoaster day. I think I'm gonna barf! You gotta love God's sense of humor. Sometimes I picture Him just looking down at me and giggling like I do at my kids sometimes. Lately, God has been pressing hard on my spirit to be more positive, to use positive words and to trust Him with EVERY aspect of my little life. (For those of you who don't know me very well, I'm a control freak and I don't like the unknown.) So, I am taking a Bible study called "Conversation Peace" at church. That's fun. I'm also helping lead a Bible study called "The Frazzled Female" Also fun. So after being in 2 Bible studies about trusting God and being positive even in negative circumstances, one would think I would be making some progress in that area. Today I vowed not to come to the computer until I had finished ALL my housework and done my Bible Study. (Obsessing has been taking up a lot of my time.) I did so, and, I might say, was rather proud of myself. I had an awesome prayer time and asked God to help me surrender myself to Him and His plans every minute if need be. I think He said "OK, you asked for it." I was feeling great after my prayer time and I came upstairs to check out rumor queen free of guilt. I had a couple of free hours before I had to pick up the kiddos. hahahaha. The computer messed up. It was running r-e-a-l-l-y slow. I called Comcast and explained that it is very difficult to obsess properly without an operational computer. I explained to the computer guy on the other end of the line that we are adopting a little girl and I am waiting to hear something anyday and I MUST stay abreast of the rumors. I've scheduled it for crying out loud!! He asked where we were adopting from and I told him. He said "That's where we're adopting from" I said,"No way. Where are you in the process" "Waiting for a referral" "Us too. When were you logged in?" He said, "October 2005, It's been about 2 years so far." Now I'm all excited and he is thinking I'm a little crazy. No matter. Anyway, he understood my dilemma, and said he wouldn't want to go home to his wife if his computer was down for a day. He is sending a repair guy today. Thanks God. And Steve. I called Chris to tell him about this amazing encounter. He was a little stressed at work and didn't stop everything and put me at the center of his universe. The nerve. I got irritated, especially when he tried to tell me again to please not get my hopes up in case our referral doesn't come this month. After we hung up, I began to think about what my reaction might be if we don't get our referral soon. When I got up to go downstairs, I looked at the computer. My screensaver was bouncing around the screen. I've never even seen the screensaver since I set it up. It says "Be still and know". HMMMM. Thanks God.

Then I went to the mailbox to see if the immigration renewal has come yet. It ought to be here any day too. We can't even make travel plans without it. Well,I got quite a surprise when I opened the mailbox. It was the envelope I mailed to USCIS on Dec. 12th returned undeliverable, unable to forward.

Panic

I called 411 to get the number for USCIS to ask them the correct address. I got the number for Bob. Bob's message said he'd call me back ASAP, and by the way, this is no longer the number for USCIS. I called my caseworker. Got the answering machine. I called my social worker, Rachel. Finally, a human. Rachel's awesome. She told me it would be ok. Just overnight it to USCIS, and she gave me the updated address. She talked me down off yet another adoption ledge. I love Rachel.

And God whispered to me,"I thought you wanted to trust ME." UGH. Missed the mark again.

So, I came home and found that Hunter was not home from school yet. No matter. He probably went to Sonic after school. Then his boss called and said he was supposed to be at work at 4. Hmmm. I called Hunter's girlfriend and his friends and none of them knew where Hunter might be. They all said he told them he had to work after school.

Panic...And I can't go look for him because THE COMCAST GUY'S HERE!

Just before I put out an APB for him, he comes in the door. After I was done screaming at him, he told me he was at chemistry tutoring, and he thought he had to be at work at 5, not 4.

And God said to me,"Remember, you're supposed to be trusting ME."

Strike two

I had to go to my room and cry for about 30 minutes. I learned(or thought I did) a long time ago that if you pray for it, you'd better be willing to do it God's way, and that usually means practice til you get it right. That's just not easy for a control freak like me. Praise God, He's not giving up on me. He promised to finish the good work He has begun in me. I did ask Him not to make me practice anymore today though.

Check out Rumor Queen today. Latest rumors have the cutoff closer to the 17th. Translation: Any day now.